Italian version

Not everyone is a parent, but each of us is a son or a daughter. I like to distinguish between being a parent and acting as a parent: being one is easy; acting as one is a complex, delicate, and important task. I believe every parent would have liked an instruction manual on how to behave. Every child is born with their own unique traits and grows up in different circumstances and environments, even within the same family.
Raising Davide and Giacomo, I discovered certain aspects of my own personality. I came to better understand what kind of parents my father and mother were to me, and how their parenting style influenced the development of my personality. I also learned that behaviors, emotions, and feelings are more important than words. My wife and I have tried to do the best we could, and sometimes we find ourselves thinking that we might have handled certain situations differently.
These brief reflections serve as a prologue to some writings by Kahlil Gibran and Daisaku Ikeda, which offer us words of wisdom on parenting.
Let’s begin with an excerpt from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet.

Your children are not your children… they are the sons and daughters of Life’s very force.
They come through you, but not from you.
They dwell with you, yet they do not belong to you.
You may give them your love, but not your ideas.
…
You are the bow from which, like living arrows, your children are launched forth.
The Archer aims at the target on the path of infinity and holds you taut with all his might so that his arrows may go fast and far.
Let yourselves be held taut with joy in the Archer’s hands, for he loves the flying arrows and the steady bow in equal measure.

Here are some excerpts from Daisaku Ikeda, taken from the book Map of Happiness: Words for Women, published by Esperia Edizioni.

Some advice for parents on family education. Create opportunities every day to interact with your children. Do not argue in their presence. Avoid scolding your child in front of others. Be impartial; do not compare your children. Convey your philosophy of life to them with conviction.

The amount of time we devote to our children does not guarantee the quality of their upbringing. Even if we have little time available, by drawing on our wisdom we can create a strong and deep bond with them.

Instead of scolding your child when they fail, it is better to say, “I’m sure you can do much better.” As adults, we strive to instill in young people self-confidence and the joy of overcoming any difficulty.

“Honor your father and your mother,” states the fourth commandment of Catholicism. Soka Gakkai Buddhism has no commandments, but Nichiren Daishonin teaches that “those who dedicate themselves to Buddhism should not forget their debt of gratitude toward their parents.” For me and for many people, it is natural to feel gratitude for our parents, having received love, education, and support of every kind.

But how difficult is it for a child who has been abandoned, abused, and mistreated by their parents to do this? It’s extremely difficult, but not impossible. I have a couple of acquaintances who had a father who was violent, both physically and psychologically. As adults, they moved beyond their own suffering and both managed to restore their relationship with their father, rebuilding a bond based on affection, support and care. Through this revolutionary transformation, they not only generously gave their father what he had denied them, but they managed to turn a negative and destructive relationship into something wonderful.

You can send your comment to info@esperienzedivalore.it, I will be happy to respond.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)